Like any family, adoptive families too have their own share of belief systems about their adoptive children. Myth is something that you believe in but not necessarily true.
We'll address the five most popular myths in India.
Showing posts with label Adoption documents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adoption documents. Show all posts
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Monday, January 04, 2010
Another Example Of Why We Should Complete Adoptions and Obtain COC
From the Houston Chronicle.
____________ ___
A man without a country
Adopted but never made a citizen, a Texan found himself ensnared by laws, deported
By ELIZABETH ZAVALA
McCLATCHY NEWSPAPERS
Jan. 2, 2010, 6:28PM
Lorrie Whiteley McMillan has spent another holiday season without her brother Robin Whiteley.
She is praying that the family's immigration nightmare will end soon and that Whiteley can come home to Texas — the only home he knows.
McMillan, 43, was 8 when her parents brought home the baby they named Robin. Now, because of missteps the parents made in the complicated international adoption process — and bad decisions on his part — Whiteley, 35, has been deported to Mexico.
"He is not an undocumented immigrant," McMillan said. "He did not falsify any documents. He didn't sneak over here. He is an American."
Her brother is a man without a country.
In 1974, a midwife in El Paso placed a day-old baby in the arms of Lora and Royce Whiteley of Fort Worth. Six years later, while living in Woodville, they officially adopted Robin.
The Whiteleys, who had six children, moved to Lufkin in 1984.
Bad decisions
McMillan, who was also born in Mexico and was adopted as an infant by the Whiteleys, recalls her little brother as most big sisters would — a boy who bothered and teased her. But she looked after him.
"I always felt very protective of Robin," McMillan said. "He was like my own baby doll. I took care of my little brother."
As he grew up, Whiteley was athletic and into boxing in Lufkin, she said. "He was just your normal, crazy kid and a typical teen."
But even Whiteley admits that he made bad decisions. State criminal records show that he had some misdemeanor convictions, and he went to state prison for a felony drug conviction.
When the time came for his release from prison in 2002, he fell down the immigration rabbit hole.
Neither the United States nor Mexico has a record of his birth, said his lawyer, Andres Lopez of McAllen. And his parents had pursued legal residency for him but not citizenship.
Lacking both a birth certificate and naturalization papers, Whiteley, who doesn't speak Spanish, was deported to Mexico on the assumption that it was his country of origin, Lopez said. He now lives as an undocumented immigrant in a one-room cinder-block apartment in Reynosa, Mexico.
Back and forth
Since his deportation, Whiteley has illegally entered the U.S. twice to see his children, which has not helped his case. He has vowed that the next time he comes back, it will be as a citizen.
"We have been back and forth with immigration over the adoption," Lora Whiteley, 74, said by phone from Lufkin. Each time progress was made on getting proper documentation for Whiteley, the immigration laws changed, she said.
The laws on immigration and foreign adoptions are complicated, said Heidi Cox, executive vice president and general counsel for the Gladney Center in Fort Worth, which has provided foreign and domestic adoption services for more than 100 years.
"Your Texas adoption will establish that you are the parent, but not that the child is a citizen," she said. "The adoption decree does not establish citizenship (but only) the legal parent-child relationship. "
Lopez said Whiteley's parents received bad advice and did not pursue citizenship for him.
"They did what they were told, but it wasn't what they needed," said Lopez, who meets weekly with his client in Mexico. He is working on an appeal on Whiteley's behalf.
Whiteley spends his days in his one-room apartment in Reynosa, about 11 miles from McAllen, where he knew no one before he arrived. He has a bed, a television, a DVD player, a hot plate to warm food, and an American cell phone so he can talk to his family. He bathes with cold water out of a 5-gallon bucket, the same one he uses to hand-wash his clothes. He goes to a local store to use the restroom, he said.
"My parents send me money every week to help me try and survive," Whiteley said.
He can't work in Mexico because he doesn't have proper documents, and if caught working illegally, he would be deported. "But to where? I'd have an issue in any country," he said.
Whiteley's wife and children have moved from Lufkin to Mission in the Rio Grande Valley to be close enough to cross over and visit their husband and father.
"I committed a crime. I deserved to go to jail at the time, and I believe I paid for that," he said. "But I didn't deserve to be taken away from the only country I've ever known in my life" for a paperwork mistake.
McMillan, a mother of two, was a student at Texas Tech University in Lubbock when her parents took her to Houston so she could take the citizenship oath.
Awaiting Congress
McMillan and her mother have spent countless hours writing to politicians and whoever else they think might help with Whiteley's case. They hope that Congress will enact the Foreign Adopted Children's Equality Act, which would recognize that internationally adopted children of American citizens deserve to be treated as children of American citizens, not as immigrants. The act would apply the same citizenship process to adopted children as that accorded to children born abroad to American citizens, according to the advocacy group Equality for Adopted Children.
Mother and daughter hope that Whiteley's citizenship can be retroactive to the date he was adopted.
"All foreign children get equality, the same rights as children born here," McMillan said.
Lora Whiteley is focused on getting her son back home. She, too, is hopeful that the act will pass.
"It is a nightmare. I know he made a mistake, but my purpose is to help Robin, and help everybody else" in the same situation, she said.
____________ ___
A man without a country
Adopted but never made a citizen, a Texan found himself ensnared by laws, deported
By ELIZABETH ZAVALA
McCLATCHY NEWSPAPERS
Jan. 2, 2010, 6:28PM
Lorrie Whiteley McMillan has spent another holiday season without her brother Robin Whiteley.
She is praying that the family's immigration nightmare will end soon and that Whiteley can come home to Texas — the only home he knows.
McMillan, 43, was 8 when her parents brought home the baby they named Robin. Now, because of missteps the parents made in the complicated international adoption process — and bad decisions on his part — Whiteley, 35, has been deported to Mexico.
"He is not an undocumented immigrant," McMillan said. "He did not falsify any documents. He didn't sneak over here. He is an American."
Her brother is a man without a country.
In 1974, a midwife in El Paso placed a day-old baby in the arms of Lora and Royce Whiteley of Fort Worth. Six years later, while living in Woodville, they officially adopted Robin.
The Whiteleys, who had six children, moved to Lufkin in 1984.
Bad decisions
McMillan, who was also born in Mexico and was adopted as an infant by the Whiteleys, recalls her little brother as most big sisters would — a boy who bothered and teased her. But she looked after him.
"I always felt very protective of Robin," McMillan said. "He was like my own baby doll. I took care of my little brother."
As he grew up, Whiteley was athletic and into boxing in Lufkin, she said. "He was just your normal, crazy kid and a typical teen."
But even Whiteley admits that he made bad decisions. State criminal records show that he had some misdemeanor convictions, and he went to state prison for a felony drug conviction.
When the time came for his release from prison in 2002, he fell down the immigration rabbit hole.
Neither the United States nor Mexico has a record of his birth, said his lawyer, Andres Lopez of McAllen. And his parents had pursued legal residency for him but not citizenship.
Lacking both a birth certificate and naturalization papers, Whiteley, who doesn't speak Spanish, was deported to Mexico on the assumption that it was his country of origin, Lopez said. He now lives as an undocumented immigrant in a one-room cinder-block apartment in Reynosa, Mexico.
Back and forth
Since his deportation, Whiteley has illegally entered the U.S. twice to see his children, which has not helped his case. He has vowed that the next time he comes back, it will be as a citizen.
"We have been back and forth with immigration over the adoption," Lora Whiteley, 74, said by phone from Lufkin. Each time progress was made on getting proper documentation for Whiteley, the immigration laws changed, she said.
The laws on immigration and foreign adoptions are complicated, said Heidi Cox, executive vice president and general counsel for the Gladney Center in Fort Worth, which has provided foreign and domestic adoption services for more than 100 years.
"Your Texas adoption will establish that you are the parent, but not that the child is a citizen," she said. "The adoption decree does not establish citizenship (but only) the legal parent-child relationship. "
Lopez said Whiteley's parents received bad advice and did not pursue citizenship for him.
"They did what they were told, but it wasn't what they needed," said Lopez, who meets weekly with his client in Mexico. He is working on an appeal on Whiteley's behalf.
Whiteley spends his days in his one-room apartment in Reynosa, about 11 miles from McAllen, where he knew no one before he arrived. He has a bed, a television, a DVD player, a hot plate to warm food, and an American cell phone so he can talk to his family. He bathes with cold water out of a 5-gallon bucket, the same one he uses to hand-wash his clothes. He goes to a local store to use the restroom, he said.
"My parents send me money every week to help me try and survive," Whiteley said.
He can't work in Mexico because he doesn't have proper documents, and if caught working illegally, he would be deported. "But to where? I'd have an issue in any country," he said.
Whiteley's wife and children have moved from Lufkin to Mission in the Rio Grande Valley to be close enough to cross over and visit their husband and father.
"I committed a crime. I deserved to go to jail at the time, and I believe I paid for that," he said. "But I didn't deserve to be taken away from the only country I've ever known in my life" for a paperwork mistake.
McMillan, a mother of two, was a student at Texas Tech University in Lubbock when her parents took her to Houston so she could take the citizenship oath.
Awaiting Congress
McMillan and her mother have spent countless hours writing to politicians and whoever else they think might help with Whiteley's case. They hope that Congress will enact the Foreign Adopted Children's Equality Act, which would recognize that internationally adopted children of American citizens deserve to be treated as children of American citizens, not as immigrants. The act would apply the same citizenship process to adopted children as that accorded to children born abroad to American citizens, according to the advocacy group Equality for Adopted Children.
Mother and daughter hope that Whiteley's citizenship can be retroactive to the date he was adopted.
"All foreign children get equality, the same rights as children born here," McMillan said.
Lora Whiteley is focused on getting her son back home. She, too, is hopeful that the act will pass.
"It is a nightmare. I know he made a mistake, but my purpose is to help Robin, and help everybody else" in the same situation, she said.
Friday, September 05, 2008
Why doesn't my child talk about adoption (Q and A)
Question: My family has two adoptive kids. One of them doesn’t talk about adoption while the other talks a lot. Is anything wrong?
Answer: Obviously you have assumed that all kids are created to be equal. They are not. Compare yourself to your own siblings to see the similarities and dissimilarities and you know the answer.
Sometimes one adoptive child’s talking can suffice the needs of another for information. For example, if one child asks you “Why am I not looking like you”? Whatever you answer may have been answered for the other child and sometimes may feel that it is not necessary to ask the same question again.
You may be seeing these changes due to several factors such as age, gender, differing personalities and mental make up etc. If you feel that one of your adoptive child is just not opening up at all, you try to open it up gently with open ended questions (like “how shall we celebrate your adoption day”?)
Respect your child’s privacy and do not bring it up at the dining table in front of the whole family but when he/ she is alone. Sometimes adoptive kids express explicitly that they are not interested to talk about this topic. Respect their decision but look out also for any changes such as loss of appetite, loss of weight, mood swings, sleep patterns, academic performance and activity level etc. If you feel that there’s a significant change you must seek help immediately.
Common fears of adoption
Most of the adoptive families go through certain fears and each family finds their own ways to cope or overcome them. We’ll discuss today about the common fears and strategies to overcome them. A common strategy that one must keep in mind is to look at the issue in a ‘total context’.Fear of rejection: Families are afraid that when their child grows up and start searching for their birth family, they would reject them once they find them. Adoptive family’s fear is based on an assumption that the bond of a birth family is stronger than an adoptive family. In reality, many adoptees feel that the family that cared and loved them unconditionally is the family for them. Searching for a birth family is not a genetic predisposition but a ‘matter of curiosity’.
Fear of unknown: When the family has to share medical history to a doctor or if there’s a chronic condition whose treatment is dependent on family history, adoptive families are afraid the most. There’s no strategy one can build around this factual fear. There are families out there that want to do all kinds of tests before they accept a child but there’s no guarantee that in spite of all those tests that you get to adopt a healthy child. Best strategy one can follow is to be honest and make the best of what you can.
Fear of talking about adoption openly: Families fear the most about sharing the adoption information is to do it for the first time. Families are afraid that this information might hurt the child or by sharing, others might come to know about it. Know this: Child feels betrayed if they are told about their adoption at a later stage of their life, so start young and through indirect means (such as reading books on adoption). No matter how you try to keep it under the wraps, if you’re open enough to talk to your child, others will come to know about it. You just have to learn to cope with people’s curiosity with appropriate and witty answers.
Did you experience a fear that you like to share? Write in the comments below.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Inter-country adoption handbook
If you're a living outside of India and want to adopt a child from India, here is a handbook I prepared for you. This information is obtained from the CARA web site and organized it like a book. Please use the button on the top (top right button especially) to enlarge the content to read it. Feel free to print it or share it with others.Wednesday, September 03, 2008
India incountry adoption handbook
If you're a living in India and want to adopt a child, here is a handbook I prepared for you. This information is obtained from the CARA web site and organized it like a book. Please use the button on the top (top right button especially) to enlarge the content to read it. Feel free to print it or share it with others.Friday, November 16, 2007
5 do's of adoption
Part # 5
Be an informed adoptive parent(s): Contrary to the common belief “Ignorance is a bliss”, in adoption, being ignorant can land you in lot of trouble and heartache. There are alleged accusations and also convictions in the field of adoption on the ground of malpractice. The only way to protect oneself is to be informed with facts before you venture to bring your child home.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
5 Do's of adoption
Part # 4
Be honest throughout the journey of adoption: I meet many Indian families that do not believe in disclosing the truth about adoption to their children. Their logic is that they love them like their own (they mean to say that they love them like their biological children) children and why should they make them (adoptive children) feel anything otherwise?
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
5 Do's of adoption
Part # 3
Equate the journey of adoption to biological conception and enjoy: For many families, the process of adoption can be so tedious; they forget to enjoy the journey of adoption. The major difference between a biological child and adoptive child is that the means to have them are different but the outcomes are the same. Child is a child that needs adult nurturing and caring.
Monday, November 12, 2007
5 Do's of adoption
Part # 2
Don’t make the agencies to find a needle in the haystack: When prospective adoptive parents (PAP’s) make a decision to adopt, they tend to have very idealistic thoughts about the child to come – one week old or younger girl/ boy, fair skinned, blue eyes, and clean set of teeth etc knowing very well that they don’t have such a choice even in a biological conception.
5 Do's of adoption
Part # 1
Since the journey of adoption can be tedious and lengthy. Every prospective adoptive parent(s) should know what to do to make this process not to influence him or her negatively. I have identified five of them but there could be more. So if you have something that you would like to add, please feel free to add them in the comments so that others may benefit. As this article could be lengthy, I thought to add one a day. Here we go:
Do a legal adoption: For various reasons (cost of adoption, and to keep the fact of adoption within the family, etc) some intentionally and unintentionally chooses to do an illegal adoption. Here it is worth considering what is legal adoption and what is not. Legal adoption is where you have adopted a child from a government recognized adoption agency in an established process. After completing your adoption, a legal court has issued a document declaring you as legal parent to the child. Anything short of this could be considered as not as legal adoption.
Allow me to share an experience of a couple that I heard of, of what happened for not doing a legal adoption. They were infertile and one day a nearby vegetable vendor asked them if they would like to adopt a child. After they said yes, he brought a baby to them and said that the biological parents are unable to care for the child and if the couple could help them (bio parents) by paying some money. In ignorance and naivety, gave the money to the vegetable vendor and took the child in. Everything was going on well till one day the vegetable vendor showed up again at the couple’s door and asked for more money. When they couldn’t, he threatened them that he would report to the police. Alarmed couple themselves took the child to the police and reported the whole incidence. Police had no other choice but to take the custody of the child and placed her in adoption agency. Unfortunately the adoptive mother and the child at the adoption agency became so sick, that on compassionate grounds government reunited the child with the family and allowed them to do a legal adoption.
Not doing a legal adoption could also render you powerless in terms of being open about adoption with your child. For being open, you’re always afraid of someone coming forward to accuse you of something you may not have done consciously.
Without a legal document, you cannot obtain a birth certificate, which could create lot of problems later on such as admission to school, applying for a passport and if you have any biological children, could deny the adoptive child any part of inheritance.
Feel free to add your thoughts in the comments sections. Tomorrow this section will continue
RN
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