Do you know this?

There are approximately 18000 parents registered with CARA, while the number of children in the Government's adoption pool is less 1800.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Why our family adoption is everybody’s business? (Q and A)

Did you ever have an incident where a stranger who may have heard about your family’s adoption story through someone comes up to ask you unnecessary questions? You’re not alone. People want to know the reasoning behind our decision to adopt a child (“You couldn’t have children of your own” for example) to caste of the child.

Sometimes such questions from strangers could hurt the feelings of our children so what do we need to do about it? Do we simply ignore or pick a fight? I suggest neither. Always remember that most of the people ask you these questions out of curiosity but no specific agenda. When you decide to confront this curious individual, this fact must remain active with in you at all times.

Make sure that your children are not around you or at least not at an audible distance. Don’t make it appear like it is an issue that you don’t want your children to be part of but something that adults needs to discuss. Be calm and only answer to the question. You must explain your answers only at the time of your choice.

Sometimes where the contrasting features (such as in inter-racial adoptions) are obvious, even the by standers may becomes curious and such kind of people simply need to be ignored or must be given a fitting reply. If you’re into promoting the message of adoption actively, don’t lose such opportunities to let people know how wonderful adoption is and how it had changed your life.

Whatever you may choose to do, always be careful about your children and their emotions because it is they whom you’re protecting and not the stranger.



Vinata Iyer said...

seems like ur reading my thoughts ruby. it hurts a lot and sometimes I dont know what to say to such people. they ask all kinds of questions as u rightly said. and these questions r asked to me and not to my husband which surprises me even more. plz mail me in detail how to deal with such people.

Ruby said...

Hi Vinata,

Don’t get frustrated when people ask you questions about adoption because most of the time they only ask out of curiosity and nothing else. I can suggest few things that you can do:

1.Make a list of questions that people ask you frequently and prepare yourself with answers. This must be a continuous process. By doing this you get the satisfaction of being prepared adequately. Over a period of time, you’ll realize that you’re giving fitting replies to people courageously.

2.Start maintaining a journal. Write this journal to your daughter. This can be a simple ruled notebook. Every time you’re frustrated about something (like people asking questions), you simply write all your thoughts in it. This will help you to vent your feelings freely and also becomes a gift that you could give it to your daughter in the future. If you’re comfortable with typing, you can even maintain a journal on the computer.

3.Become proactive. I know you may already be doing this but if you’re not, I suggest that you cherish and enjoy your child’s adoption. This, you can do this by celebrating “Adoption Day” like a birthday with your family and friends.