Question: My family has two adoptive kids. One of them doesn’t talk about adoption while the other talks a lot. Is anything wrong?
Answer: Obviously you have assumed that all kids are created to be equal. They are not. Compare yourself to your own siblings to see the similarities and dissimilarities and you know the answer.
Sometimes one adoptive child’s talking can suffice the needs of another for information. For example, if one child asks you “Why am I not looking like you”? Whatever you answer may have been answered for the other child and sometimes may feel that it is not necessary to ask the same question again.
You may be seeing these changes due to several factors such as age, gender, differing personalities and mental make up etc. If you feel that one of your adoptive child is just not opening up at all, you try to open it up gently with open ended questions (like “how shall we celebrate your adoption day”?)
Respect your child’s privacy and do not bring it up at the dining table in front of the whole family but when he/ she is alone. Sometimes adoptive kids express explicitly that they are not interested to talk about this topic. Respect their decision but look out also for any changes such as loss of appetite, loss of weight, mood swings, sleep patterns, academic performance and activity level etc. If you feel that there’s a significant change you must seek help immediately.
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