I was reading readers reviews of a book "Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child" by Betsy Keefer, Jayne E. Schooler which clearly states the reasons for sharing the information about adoption:
1. Secrets distort Reality
2. Secrets undermine trust and intimacy
3. Secrets create exclusion and division
4. Secrets destroy authenticity
5. Secrets produce fantasies.
Keeping the truth from our children is in the worst interest of them and our family's future. These children, we have chosen on our own to bring them in to our lives and they deserve only the truth and truth alone.
Having said this, my wife and I used a story we heard on the radio and we always told this story to our girls at bed times. It went like this:
Mommy and Daddy wanted to make a baby but they couldn't so they went to an adoption agency (use the name of the city and the adoption agency that you got the child from) and told them about the kind of a baby that they were looking for. Mommy told them that she wanted a pretty baby with beautiful eyes, clean set of teeth and wheatish skin girl.
They brought a girl with pink skin and green hair and we said no. Here you simply play with colors for few times and then you talk about your daughter.
"At last, they brought a beautiful girl exactly what we wanted. She had very pretty eyes, dark hair and beautiful skin and mommy and daddy were so happy that they were jumping up and down and said...Yes, Yes, this is the baby we want". Add as many bells and whistles to the story as you wish to make it exciting.
"At last, they brought a beautiful girl exactly what we wanted. She had very pretty eyes, dark hair and beautiful skin and mommy and daddy were so happy that they were jumping up and down and said...Yes, Yes, this is the baby we want". Add as many bells and whistles to the story as you wish to make it exciting.
This story may/ may not work for you but the bottom-line is that you must be age appropriate in your sharing. My daughters as they grew older, they told me that there is no human with pink skin. I knew then that they are ready for their story to be upgraded.
Both my daughters are grown today and know everything about their adoption but they still want to hear that bed time story of adoption. They get a kick out of watching my face in reply to their query. They simply love that story. Hope this helps for you.
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