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There are approximately 18000 parents registered with CARA, while the number of children in the Government's adoption pool is less 1800.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Do you like my birth mother? (Q and A)

I talk to my child about her adoption openly and recently she asked me a question completely out of the blue whether I like her birth mother? I didn’t know how to answer, any help?

First and foremost, this may be a question completely out of the blue for you but for your child it is a very well thought out question to gauge your comfort level about her birth mother. Your daughter shares biology with her birth mother but is also sharing her life with her adoptive family. So, she is trying to ascertain a comfort level from you as to whether she can talk more about her birth mother with you.

Unless and until you have a known reason not to like your child’s birth mother, do not answer by saying “NO” to the above question. But if you say, “I really do not know if I like her” then use the yardstick of “best interest of the child”.

Logic from the second paragraph should suggest that your daughter is only going to become more comfortable with you to talk more about her birth mother. If it is so, then give an emphatic “YES” and let your daughter have that comfort level with you than with someone else. But if give an answer as “NO” and basing it on your own insecurities, you might lose your daughter’s heart forever.

You can even attribute some physical attributes of your child to her birth mother like “I bet your mom is very tall” or “I am sure she has beautiful skin like you do”. This will make your daughter even more comfortable and draws closer to you.

Got questions on adoption? Write to me at

This above information is made available to you by the HOPE House - a registered charitable trust that cares for orphan, semi-orphan and disadvantaged girls in Vellore, India.  Would you like to financially support us?  Click here to learn more

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