Do you know this?

There are approximately 18000 parents registered with CARA, while the number of children in the Government's adoption pool is less 1800.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Birthmother Note

I just read the most amazing thing on a blog of a family who adopted from China. This family's child had been abandoned and the birthmother had left a note attached saying....

that she wanted to meet up again with this baby in exactly 18 years from that date. The note had an appointed time and place for them to meet. I can see how this would be both scary or exciting to both the adoptive parents and the adopted child and of course to the birthmom as she would have no way of knowing how the child would view her at that point in their life.

I think the child would feel loved reqardless of what other feelings they had just by knowing that the birthmom desired for them to be together in the future. As adoption is becoming more and more accepted all the time in India, I wonder if there could be some of this happening here too. I think it would be a good solid thing for the children to know their birthmom was still thinking of them. A few times I have heard of different types of requests left at the orphanages by a birthmom in regards to the child. I think this is a real loving gesture.

Perhaps your child didn't have a note attached or a request left at the orphanage by the birthmom, but have any of you left a note for the birthmom if she ever came back to the orphanage wondering how her birthchild had faired? We would like to hear about it if you care to share. Or if you are thinking of leaving one, what would you say in it?


Anonymous said...

Dear Ruby
With regard to yoru blog on birth moms, i would be curious to know if this dual relationship with adoptive parents and birth moms could create added tensions in the relationships. also if this could be the cause of confusion with the child. when the birth parents have decided to give up their children for whatever reasons, i would think it is easier and simpler to let the matter be burried once and for all. it is a different story if the child wants to meet the birth mom but keeping in touch with the birth parents could be stressful both the child and the adoptive family. as it is relationshsips are so sensitive as well as complicted then why bring in added complexities. however, i am saying this only from my thoughts but people like you with real life experiences would be able to assess the situation better.

Ruby Nakka - Admin. said...

Whatever may have been the reasons for a biological mother to abandon/ relinquish the baby doesn't change the fact that the baby is still part of her life and shares her biology.

Having said that I am a strong advocate of a birth family search so long as it is the desire of the adoptee. If the child doesn't care, I think adoptive families need not pursue this unless and until they know for a fact that the adoption was illegal and the victim (child) is a minor.

In the western countries, the concept of 'open adoption' is common where adoptive and biological families get along fine because they have clearly laid out and understood guidelines to follow.