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Friday, August 22, 2008

Guest column - Prospective adoptive family in India

What's so good about Latur project?

Well, the best thing about Latur is you are treated with respect and not treated like a desperate childless couple (though we chose adoption by choice we were treated very badly). And they are patient and give you all the information and are very cooperative. Since these are small places in this project, the waiting period is less and you always have children waiting there.

Tells about your home study and how it went?

One Mrs. Lakshmi did our home study (Here also Vidya helped us by identifying the agency). The whole thing lasted little more than two hours. It was on a Saturday, 9th of August. We just returned from Bangalore after seeing my sister off. Our house was in a mess and we tried cleaning it up as much as possibly could. I must say that we were little tensed up as our future is dependent on that. To our surprise, we found laxmi - a very warm person and she asked all the possible questions. We felt relieved, confident and happy once the whole thing was over.


How are you preparing for the arrival of your baby (like celebration or a welcome party)?

Well, our baby is due in the first week of October. We are traveling to Latur in 40 days. Meet the baby and give the Baby’s blood samples for HIV and hepatitis tests. Be with the baby for the rest of the day. We are expecting the tests results in two days.

We will have few friends waiting to welcome the baby when we comeback but we are not planning to have a party immediately as we would like to give the baby some time to adjust. Once she settles down we would like to perform the adoption process at home (Arya Samaj way) and we are also planning to have a naamkaran ceremony (We are planning to change her name) some time in the first week of November or so. I have taken 2 months leave so that we adjust as a family and the baby is comfortable. Towards the end of my leave we are again planning to have a welcoming party (a bash I must say) for her with a BIIIIIIIIIG cake, toys, and balloons etc

What are your fears of adoption and how are you preparing to cope with it?

Well, I never thought about hereditary and all that so much. Both my nephews (especially my elder nephew) share lots of my traits and my sis always used to tell me that I haven’t left her even after she got married and went off. All his actions remind her so much of me. Since we still have a chance to have a bio child we cannot compare that. We would like to be conscious in not saying whom the baby resembles or things like that. Our parents luckily agreed for this adoption so we are expecting complete cooperation from our friends and extended family (except for a few who are being really nasty).

Also, we are preparing our selves by reading lot of books on adoption to know how to care for the child and how to give her time to adjust etc. We have also joined an adoptive parents group in Chennai to help ourselves.


If there's one thing that you would do it differently so far in your journey of adoption, what would it be and why

There is one bitter thing that I am going thru right now. We actually wanted to bring the baby in the first week of September but unfortunately my family says that it is not an auspicious month and we need to wait till September end. I felt so hurt. No amount of reasoning would make them understand. My heart aches for my baby. Can’t imagine we will be holding our baby 25 days delayed.

If there’s one thing that I would have changed I would have changed this. I would have started the whole process little early and the baby would have been playing in our hands by now.

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