Loving your kids

Many people raise all their children in the same manner to be “fair” and wonder why some of their children did not respond the same way to their raising as their other children did. I don’t know how many times I have heard parents say,” We did everything the same with both kids. I don’t know why this one didn’t turn out like the other one”.

I think it is important to remember that every child is different and has different needs. Some may see their parents love for them in a way that is different than another child would. What if every one of your children had a different love language? To explain further what I mean, there is a website at www.fivelovelanguages.com which tells of 5 different love languages. When you get to the website, click “Learn the 5 languages of Love” on the purple bar. While this website is about marriages and obviously the love languages are written for marriages, I think we can glean the gist of what they are saying and apply the appropriate parts to our kids. By reading this we can see how we react to each of our kids could come across differently from one to the next child. If they feel loved by us or not could depend on how we speak our love language to them. Which language makes them feel they are special to us? You will learn that by getting to know them or if they are old enough by simply asking them which means most to them.
I think it is also important to remember that each child will need some of each of these languages spoken to them by you but one may really stand out more than another and paying attention to that could really help your relationship to them, and help them build great self esteem in the long run.
Now, if you are still “waiting” in the adoption process, it can get stressful, and these same love languages would be a good way to keep your marriage strong through the whole thing. And keeping your marriage strong is one of the best things you can do to help your child feel secure in your home when they do arrive.
Either way you use this website (marriage only or a spring board with your kids)is a win-win situation.