During
adoption counseling, very rarely I come across a topic that is non-receptive to
prospective adoptive parents (PAP) except for a few and adopting an older child
is one among them. Thinking that adopting
an older child is like adopting a young child is foolhardy. This blogpost will take you on journey about how to
convince yourself to adopt an older child if it’s not in your preferences.
So, why
do families resist an older child? There
could be any number of reasons but most often expressed are fear of child
remembering his childhood, child having adjustment issues or desiring to
nurture a child from a very young age.
They are all genuine reasons.
About the
child remembering his/ her childhood, I always ask the PAP’s to tell me what
they remember about his/ her 5th birthday. With a big grin they tell me of no
recollection. Fact of the matter is that
it is not you have forgotten but at that age one's long term memory is not yet
been formed and it also applies to the grown (3, 4 or 5 years old) child to be
adopted.
About the
child having adjustment issues, undoubtedly sometimes children can carry the
psychological scars of long term institutionalization but what I had learnt in
my experience and observation is that the unconditional love heals such wounds gradually
and permanently.
Since
most of the families in India desire to adopt a young child, preference to
adopt an older child can help you shorten your waiting period or to adopt a second child which most adoption agencies do not entertain for the reason that there are families waiting with no children at all.
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