Infertility and adoption (Q and A)

Question: I have tried very had to have a biological child for years with no success. Now we have made a decision to adopt but I am having thoughts like ‘second best option’. Is this normal? Will it have long-term consequences on my child?

Answer: This is the most difficult aspect of adoption journey – changing your frame of mind from infertility to adoption. Often times, people that fail in infertility measures don’t give themselves adequate time to adjust to the reality around them. Second, adoption ought to be looked upon not as a substitute to infertility but an alternative way to expand a family.

About the long-term consequences, some adoptive children have expressed in some forums that they are ‘second option’ kids. This got to be the most painful thing to hear for the parents who may have put everything in their life to bring up a child. But this is a reality and we need some pragmatic measures to help the child to cope with it.

This is where your unconditional love and ability to communicate effectively makes a difference. Even if the child feel like a ‘second option kid’ (because of your infertility), he/ she should feel that they have never received anything less and this will certainly helps them to over come such feelings. Your ability to communicate on this topic is very important. Be honest and try to be age appropriate.

One thing that you can do to convey your answers truthfully is to maintain a journal right from the beginning.