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Friday, August 01, 2008

Bonding issues in a new adoption arrival

We are about to adopt a child and we would like to know any bonding issues that we should be aware of?

Unlike in a biological birth, you don’t have the experience of pregnancy and instant physical bonding in adoption. So obviously you must try to do few things to develop the bonding between the child and you/ your family.

You can try the following:

1. If it is possible, both of you can take time off from work for sometime and just stay home with the child (preferably two weeks or longer).

2. Try to avoid any visitors to your house (at least for about two weeks or longer).

3. Both of you can try to be around the child in as many activities as you both possibly can (for example, feeding, bathing, and changing etc)

4. Express your love explicitly by touching, kissing, hugging and doing baby talking etc.

5. If you both are going to be around (like in the bed) keep the child in between you instead of in the crib. There’s a thin line between bonding and teaching the child to be independent. Don’t try too hard to keep a room for your child when he/ she is only few months old. It might backfire on you.

6. If the child is talkative, engage them to talk as much as they can. Don’t stop them nor should you get angry/ frustrated. They may not have had the opportunity to express before and they must see an environment that is encouraging.

7. If you’re a clean freak, don’t throw a fit if a child has an accident or throws food around. Give yourself some time and you’ll get used to it.

8. Read child appropriate books to the older children.

9. Eat together as a family.

10. Allow them to have toys and play together as a family however silly it may seem to you.

11. As it is not interactive, avoid watching television when the child is awake.

12. If you’re living in a joint family, explain your objective to the entire family and let everyone be part of but the majority of it must be played by the mother and the father.

13. Use common sense to find good balance between caring for the child and caring for your self.


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