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Friday, August 29, 2008

Adoptive kids looking like their parents

Recently my high school English teacher visited my home and my kids enjoyed knowing him. Just before he left, I shared the story of our children’s adoption and he had a jaw drop expression on his face.

He said “I never would have thought in million years that they are adoptive children because your older one looks like you and the younger one looks just like your wife”. I couldn’t thank him enough for his honest thoughts.

As my kids and I do not share biology, I thought what my teacher said couldn’t be a possibility but obviously he saw something that made us look alike. Then what is it? I personally believe very strongly that biology has a strong role but the stronger role is played by the love and comfort that children receive from their parents to feel at home. As people see the closeness of relationship, I think they tend to see the similarities in appearance also.

I heard that in a long lasting marital relationship also spouses tend to look a like. So the bottom line message I am assuming for our adoptive children looking like parents is quantitative and qualitative.

Did anyone ever say such a thing to you about your child? What did you think about it? Would you like to share your thoughts?

6 comments:

Lynda said...

Ruby,

Not too long ago a lady told us that Sananda looked like me but not like my husband. Then she asked if she was adopted...hmm....

I have noticed that alot of kids that are adopted internationally look like their adoptive parents. I am always amazed when I see blogs and discover this from looking at thier pictures.

Lynda

Lynda said...

oh, I forgot to say that I love it when people think Sananda looks like me.

Lynda

Vinata Iyer said...

Same is the case with me sooo many people say tht she looks exactly like me. I just smile at them but I love that.You can see her pics and my pics in my orkut album. even her paediatrition who has seen her from the day she got home at 4 1/2 months says tht.

suma said...

this is in regard to your writing about identical looks between parents and adoptive kids. i am witness to this myself. i know a couple with an adopted boy and i always told them that the kid looked exactly like the father not knowing that he was adopted when one day they told me that the child was adopted. i was surprised. so i guess this happens when the bonding is strong and does not depend on biological relation but love and attachment.

Lin said...

My older daughter is just like me - glasses, loud gestures and rowdy-style walk...
My younger daughter looks like her dad - strong silent, slight chiky eyes...
I was asked if my son - biological - was adopted.
Girls are both adopted :)
Such is the life dearies...

Anonymous said...

Except when a Swedish adopts an african child, cannot hide the adoption ;-)